Emotions
You must have been happy, sad, angry, and afraid at some point in your life. "At some point in your life"? it happens every day! These are some of our primary emotions. It may lead to more complex and different types of emotions like joy, love, hopelessness, and many more.
Needless to say, we welcome (positive) emotions like happiness, joy, and love and want them to stay with us. Whereas, we try to stay away from sadness, guilt, fear, and anger as they are negative emotions and we do not like the way they make us feel.
Are negative emotions really bad or do they have a bad reputation?
Negative emotions like fear, anger, and sadness are ways through which our mind tells us that something is not right. It prepares us to take action. For instance, if fear was not there, we would not be prepared for possible danger and end up hurting ourselves or others. Anger helps us to know that we strongly oppose or stand for something meaningful to us. Similarly, emotions like sadness and grief are very important for healing.
If not for these emotions, our ancestors might not have survived the light of day. Have you watched Disney's "Inside out"? (No, not a paid promotion) If you like animated movies and haven't watched this one yet, you might 'coz it depicts emotions and their role very well.
How do we usually deal with negative emotions?
We spend our lives:
Trying to avoid what we feel: Do you watch movies, stress eat, scroll social media, sleep, or use substances during tough times? If so then these are some of the ways you are distracting yourself with. It helps us to avoid feeling "low", "stressed" and "terrible" (temporarily, of course).
Fighting with how we feel: If you question "why me?" to yourself, it's mostly because of the constant turmoil inside. When it gets too much for a long time and we are unable to do anything about it, we start questioning our self-worth "What is wrong with me?"
Trying to get rid of the way we feel: Some people overindulge in improving themselves, overindulge in their work (if that is the cause of worry), and try to fix the state they are in.
These are our desperate attempts to try to gain control over the situation. Which it does! The control it brings does give us temporary relief. And I don't blame you. Who wouldn't want that? Then what is the point, Ayesha, you may ask?
We've been doing these for quite a long time and though it does provide us with temporary relief there's always something missing. Something that does not bring us peace in the long run. Something that we keep running after, to achieve a sense of fulfillment but is never enough. In turn, making us experience negative emotions even more.
Since we've already been doing these and still do not find peace. Can we try something different this time?
Working with negative emotions and not against them:
One thing is certain: Whether negative emotions are welcomed or unwelcomed, they will be present in our life, more so, prop up quite a few times during the day. Why not try working with it.
Notice what you say to yourself when you are feeling that way. Notice "how" you are feeling. Name the emotion that you are experiencing.
Instead of asking yourself "Why am I feeling this way", try "What are my feelings telling me?", "What happened recently that is making me feel the way I'm feeling?"
When we ask ourselves "why am I feeling this way?", we in a way tell ourselves that something is wrong with this feeling and we try to change it. Trying to fight it cause turmoil inside which further make us feel worse. Whereas, when we ask ourselves "What are my feelings telling me?", we change our perspective. We start working with the emotion and not consider it our enemy.
Seeing the difference?
When we acknowledge our emotions, we understand what they are saying to us. They are present to help us. Thank your emotions for telling you about your needs. Close your eyes and say "Thank you".
This is only the beginning of dealing with negative emotions. Our mind has its own ways of tricking us and it skips our awareness if we are not mindful. Remember, if you want to learn better ways to live or if it gets too much to deal with, you can always seek help from counseling psychologists and mental health professionals. There's no age for starting to live wholesomely.
Take care :)
